


Under His Control

by Duo Combes (DragosSylvestri)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 18:44:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13487472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragosSylvestri/pseuds/Duo%20Combes
Summary: The things that go on in Julian's mind when he's not in control of his body would surprise him, if he could just remember them.





	Under His Control

Our encounters are always brief, and I never remember them when I’m awake and not under his control. But they come back to me when he calls my name. _‘Julian.’_ He makes me do things I would never want to do and I always wonder the same thing about curses and how they must feel. But he distracts me from what my body is doing under his command by seducing my mind.

I can feel my nails dig into the skin of his shoulders, hear the high pitched whines and whimpers that his brutal pace tears from my throat. They are deafening in my ears, warring against the sounds of my own ragged breath and fluttering heartbeat. I am aware, at the time, that I have blacked out again, lost to his control, that these encounters are only in my mind, but everything is too intense; his scent, his touch, the feel of his breath upon my neck, the way he shudders above me when he falls over that edge and drags me with him. So I ask, _‘Is this real…’_ to which he replies, _‘you know it’s in your head.’_

I meet his tortured gaze, and some unfathomable emotion overtakes me, tears stinging the corners of my eyes, which fall to his lips and it seems an eternity as I get lost in the way they appear so soft, lost in the idea of feeling them against my own. But I am reminded by my own traitorous thoughts that he does not love me, and I know kissing him will only bring me more heartache. I turn my face away and let the tears fall, even as I still cling to him.

 _‘Julian,’_ is whispered against my ear. _‘Look at me,’_ he commands and I can’t help but obey. He praises me on this, praises me on how well I listen, how well I give in to his demands, both in my mind and in the outside world. I can’t tell him it’s because I am hopelessly in love, nor can I manage to spit venomous words about his control over me. In the outside world, there is no choice, not for me, and I marvel at how I should be used to that by now, but am not. In my mind, however, I could tell him to stop, I could say no, but I give into him every time.

 _‘Go back, Julian.’_ He means…wake up. He means…forget; I feel myself rising, his skin under my touch fading away as I rejoin the outside world around me. It’s as if a fading dream is on the edges of the fog in my mind, and I try to grasp at it, remember it, hold onto it, but it’s no use and I wake to the familiar confusion of not knowing what I have just done. My body is sore in places it shouldn’t be, but there are no physical marks of why, or how, or who.


End file.
